Ooooooh for the bad at dating prompt: “You bought me at a charity auction and you’re probably a serial killer”

crossroadswrite:

i love two whole dumbasses, hope this is close to what you wanted!!

[AO3]

“Sold!”
Phichit shouts, banging the gavel they had scoured five different thrift shops
for on the table. “To the gentleman with the big forehead!”

The
gentleman in question slaps his hand to his forehead and looks offended. Yuuri
really wishes Phichit wouldn’t provoke him, since Yuuri will have to spend the
rest of the night with him.

“Please pay
for your one spectacular night with our precious boy Yuuri, and remember! Your
dates aren’t obligated to do anything besides being pleasant to you, and if
they feel threatened or unsafe at any time they can leave,” Phichit says, still
cheerfully, but there’s a certain edge to his voice that twists it into a
threat, which is backed up by the two bouncers Phichit hired to attend the
event.

Hired, is perhaps a strong word. Phichit is friends
with half of the bouncers in the city, most of them have sort of adopted him,
so it wasn’t that hard to get a couple of them to stand around and look scary
for three hours in exchange for unlimited access to food and drink.

“You have
my phone number, yeah?” Kat – one of the bouncers – asks, when Yuuri climbs off
the makeshift stage to go meet his… date.

“Yeah.”

“If
anything happens, call or text me right away.
Did you turn the GPS on your phone on?”

“I did,
don’t worry.”

“Good. I’ll
walk you to him,” she says, and crosses her arms so her biceps are immediately
visible.

In normal
circumstances, Yuuri wouldn’t be this paranoid about going out with some guy,
especially one as beautiful and charming as Victor Nikiforov. He’d be nervous
and awkward because that’s just his normal state of being, but he would gladly
loop his arm through Victor’s and let himself be guided anywhere Victor wanted
to go.

The thing
is: Victor is a serial killer. Maybe. Probably.

Keep reading